Hey, this guy's got the same format as Sunday's entry. I mean, it's the same basic idea, isn't it? Look for this to degrade into blatant snarkiness about halfway through the AL Central; this may or may not coincide with the Royals.
AL EAST
Baltimore Orioles
INJURED: Brian Roberts, Daniel Cabrera
Cabrera should be off the DL (and walking everyone in sight) in the next couple of weeks. As for Roberts, he's got a strained left groin - guys can wince now, it's okay - and while he's been out for 3 weeks, chances are it'll be another week-plus before he comes back, too. Oh yeah, the shits and giggles: Hayden Penn got called up only to need an emergency appendectomy. Get well soon!
INEFFECTIVE: Javy Lopez
Hey, couldn't he hit at one point? Personal side story: I was at a Braves' game a few years ago, and there were a couple of girls (at the time, a few years older than me) who couldn't stop talking about Javy's ass. So, uh, I guess he still has that?
Boston Red Sox
INJURED: Coco Crisp
Crisp has begun his rehab process; look for a return in the next couple of weeks. David Wells will return from the DL this Friday; I'll leave it as an exercise for the reader to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing for the Sox. [buffet joke goes here]
INEFFECTIVE: Keith Foulke
Proof that it hasn't been a bad year for the Red Sox: when your closer sucks it up, you bring up what turns out to be the hottest thing in the AL East this season. Poor Sox.
New York Yankees
INJURED: Hideki Matsui, Carl Pavano, Octavio Dotel, Tanyon Sturze, Shawn Chacon
Significant injury: Matsui. He could be out for the year. As for the rest, go ahead and generate some sympathy. I'll wait here.
Go ahead.
What?
INEFFECTIVE: None, not really
I mean, nobody's expecting anything out of Bernie Williams, and Aaron Small makes the least sense stat-wise to me as anyone, ever, so it's not like this team is too surprising. Besides, they're just saving themselves for the playoffs, right?
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
INJURED: Rocco Baldelli, Jorge Cantu, Dan Miceli
Yup, this might be the only time Miceli is viewed as "important". The Rays' pen sucks that badly. Both Baldelli and Cantu should be back soon-ish; Baldelli is - or should - be first back, as he has yet to play this season.
Also? Cantu has the best 'stashe EVER.
INEFFECTIVE: rotation (except for Scott Kazmir), bullpen
Ye gods. Shitty.
Toronto Blue Jays
INJURED: A.J. Burnett, Gustavo Chacin
On one hand, it hurts to lose 2 starters. On the other hand, is anyone really surprised that Burnett ended up on the DL? They're both in rehab, though. Burnett has another 2-3 weeks, probably, and Chacin has another month-plus (UCL).
INEFFECTIVE: Aaron Hill
Another example of the Rey Ordonez corollary in action.
AL CENTRAL
Chicago White Sox
INJURED: None - not really, at least
Hermanson's on the DL, but there's enough depth that it doesn't matter. Take your time!
INEFFECTIVE: Jon Garland
Dig that 6.19 ERA. Surprisingly, he has a winning record. Mainly, he's just abysmal on the road.
Cleveland Indians
INJURED: None
Hey, I can dig these updates!
INEFFECTIVE: Aaron (f-ing) Boone, Jason Johnson, Paul Byrd
No major surprises; the Indians' pitching is slowly starting to come around, but in the meantime, 2 of their starters are still pushing the ol' 6.00 ERA mark.
Detroit Tigers
INJURED: None
INEFFECTIVE: None
Hell, even Polanco's woken up. Then again, are you surprised?
Kansas City Royals
*intermission*
...do you care? Really, do you? Let's just say they have some injuries, and the main ineffective players are all management, who keeps on bringing prospects up to have them sit on the bench. There! I'll actually write more on them at some point, I swear.
Minnesota Twins
INJURED: Shannon Stewart
Just went on the DL with a left heel injury. Shouldn't be out much past the minimum.
INEFFECTIVE: Rondell White, Jesse Crain, rotation (Santana and Liriano excepted)
In Rondell's Battle of the Mendoza Line, the line's winning. Crain ...well, is finally falling in line with what makes sense given his previous K/9 numbers. (I've been wondering how long this would last for.) Not surprisingly, the rotation aside from Santana ...uh, sucks. Baker has some potential, though.
AL WEST
Los Angeles Angels
INJURED: Casey Kotchman, Bartolo Colon
Kotchman was hitting .152 - take your time, kid. The Angels have a ton of youngsters, no need to rush. There will be plenty of opportunity to play down the line. As for Colon, MLB's site is NO help. Say he'll be back within a month. Sounds good to me.
INEFFECTIVE: offense
Seriously, I still don't know why these guys are 11 below .500. Any ideas? I'm blaming the offense until I hear otherwise.
Oakland A's
INJURED: Justin Duchscherer(erererererer), Rich Harden, Esteban Loiaza, Milton Bradley
Ouch. That's going to hurt, although again - Harden's injury shouldn't come as a huge surprise to anyone involved. Same basic thing behind Bradley. Give Dusch two more weeks, Bradley an indefinite time table, Harden another week-plus, and Loiaza much the same.
INEFFECTIVE: Dan Johnson, Mark Ellis
Johnson, shockingly, has a lower average than Mario Mendoza. Ellis ...well, should be improving, but he's not.
Seattle Mariners
INJURED: None
No help for these guys, though.
INEFFECTIVE: King Felix (dethroned), Adrian Beltre (no shit), Jeremy Reed (worthless)
Lookit me phone it in! I'd expect marginal improvement from all these guys, but nothing major, in truth. Not yet, at least, especially from Beltre.
Oops - lest I forget, Everyday Eddie bit it in the closer's role, too.
Texas Rangers
INJURED: Adam Eaton, Ian Kinsler
Neither should be out much longer. Eaton is needed in the rotation, and while Kinsler is probably the better long-term play for the Rangers, Derosa has done well in his absence, plus the Rangers are still in contention.
INEFFECTIVE: Rod Barajas
Funny thing is Laird is better across the board. Oh well. Also, Francisco Cordero lost his closer's role. Guess that counts.
