Friday, October 17

ACC Week 8 Games: Yet another week spent watching shitty regional coverage

(Disclaimer: just because Florida State is now 5-1 does not mean they’re good. Keep this in mind, pollsters, or someone will leave the bloodless head of your dog in your bed come Monday morning. Don’t drink the tomato juice you left in the fridge; consider this your only warning.)

Well, we’ve missed Florida / NC State; anyone who saw that game wishes they could burn it from their memory, so we’ve really done you a favor. Quite frankly, we should do the same for the rest of the ACC, but since we’re not that nice (and we, like the ACC, have it in for you on a deeply personal level), you get stuck with this shit.

Miami (FL) @ Duke
While we’ll be pulling for Duke in all their bastardized, Little-Giants-esque glory, if you think we’re actually going to watch them at any point this season you’re off your fucking rocker. Duke to win, you to do anything else other than watch this.

North Carolina @ Virginia
There’s no reason the Tar Heels shouldn’t roll; they’re conclusively better than the Cavs, whatever bullshit they pulled against Maryland (thanks again!). Of course, because this is the ACC and they like to piss all over your dreams of ever seeing even a semi-competent team I fully expect Virginia to win by 35 and nobody in Charlottesville will even fucking care. Oh, and we get this game on ABC instead of Ohio State / Michigan State. And you people wonder why I hate this fucking conference so hard.

Georgia Tech @ Clemson
Damn, the Clemson bandwagon caught on fire, lost all its wheels, and plowed off a cliff into a crowd of innocent bystanders watching SEC football. And Tommy Bowden got thrown under the bus so hard he’ll have tread marks on his back for years. What’s that mean – why, Clemson will win by 40. Fuck you, ACC.

Wake Forest @ Maryland
Let’s apply the black hole theory to Maryland; that means Maryland wins, but not convincingly. On the other hand, Wake isn’t really talented, they’re just well-coached. Maybe that can break the streak. God, do I fucking hope so; they’re going to be insufferable if they beat Wake.

Virginia Tech @ Boston College
This gets default Game-of-the-Week status simply because there are two losses combined between these teams. Do I expect it’ll be worth watching? Fuck no – which is why it’s on ESPN2, because after seven years they still haven’t figured out this conference is fucking terrible football.