Monday, October 27

Pac 10 October Rankings

In a flagrant display of EAST COAST BIAS (I live in Colorado, which is basically in New England), I've been seriously slacking with my Pac 10 updates. To be honest, the only reason I've kept doing them for the Big 12 is the cross-posting with Fantasy College Blitz -- I don't really have time to look at 22 teams when only 6 or 7 of them are interesting, but that's okay.

In a complete and utter shock, USC fields the top two teams in the Pac 10 when you count their second-stringers. Also in a complete and utter shock (note the lack of sarcasm this time around), everyone else blows. Seriously, blows. I don't know what's going on here but nobody else is giving two straight weeks of solid performance.

Marquee wins include USC mercilessly wtfpwning Ohio State and Virginia - yes, Virginia somehow turned it around, and at the very least no longer look like a bottom ten team (most of the ACC is worse than them, for example). Also Cal over Michigan State is looking good.

Marquee losses include UCLA getting 59-0'd by BYU, Cal losing to Maryland, Arizona losing to New Mexico, Arizona State losing to UNLV, Oregon losing to Boise State... and pretty much every game either Washington school has played, except for the fluke victory against Portland Community College.

In fact, the Pac 10 is the only Big 6 conference that currently has a combined losing nonconference record. Now, I don't know if anyone actually thinks they're worse than the ACC (Midnight Madness! Coming soon!)... but they're a far cry from the powerhouse of 2007.

Without further adieu, the rankings:

1. USC (6-1, 4-1)
Most people were picking Arizona or Stanford, and out of nowhere THE USC TROJANS are #1 in the Pac 10! This will be just their seventh BCS-bound season under Pete Carroll, so that's got to be really exciting for fans out in California, as well as destroying the rest of the nation's image of the conference as a one-team show!

2. USC's Scout Team
Led by elite QB Mitch Mustain, this group features USC's 2010 defense, which will also allow about 10 ppg, and USC's 8th-string running back, who would be a starter for at least 95 other programs. Rumor has it that Mustain will transfer to Iowa next season, just as Bobby Petrino takes Kirk Ferentz' job, to finally unite the two mercenaries.

3. Oregon (6-2, 4-1)
You can make hysterical renditions of other teams' fight songs by quacking. (better if you also hold your hands in front of your face like a mini-Gator chomp) We've tried it out with the song for USC, Texas, Texas A&M, Tennessee, Michigan, Notre Dame... oh god, nonstop lolz. LOLZ, folks! Buckeye, folks! Looooonghorns, folks - that's Bevo's happy face. I can tell because I'm fucking stoned, folks. This team has only lost to USC and Boise State, so that makes them better than everyone else.

4. Arizona (5-3, 3-2)
Bob Stoops' less-evil brother knew that if he waited around long enough for the conference to have a really crappy season, his Wildcats could finish #3! High enough to maybe get into the Holiday Bowl and upset Oklahoma (oh god that would rule... I just thought of this shit now, and I gotta say... I really hope it happens). You hear that, Holiday Bowl selection committee? BATTLE OF THE STOOPS!

5. California (5-2, 3-1)
After flagrantly choking games against Maryland (MARYLAND!) and Arizona (28 points allowed in 10 minutes?), it's official that nobody is allowed to "believe in" Cal ever again. Lest they be reminded of the 2004 season when they whined a bunch then lost to Texas Tech. The Golden Hippies face Oregon and USC in their next two games.

6. Oregon State (4-3, 3-1)
I went back and forth between them and Stanford, before saying "fuck it, they beat USC" which earns them a spot in the top half of the conference. Also, they suck... which is fortunate, because sometimes if you're bad enough a good team will overlook you.

7. Stanford (4-4, 3-2)
How do you beat Arizona and lose to UCLA in consecutive weeks? Trees are supposed to be consistent, hardly changing from year to year let alone week to week. And when will you pluralize your name dammit! I can tolerate uppityness only when you're posting respectable results.

8. UCLA (3-5, 2-3)
When they beat Tennessee, I bought into this team - honestly, I did. Yes I saw how horrible their offense looked, but they pulled it out against a good SEC team even after their QB threw 25 first half interceptions! What other explanation is there? Oh, what, Tennessee blows this year? Oh so that's why! Oh and that explains how they can win that game while losing to BYU and Fresno. Ahhhhh, I get it!

Also blah blah blah His Coachness blah blah blah.

9. Arizona State (2-5, 1-3)
Last win: Sept 6, 2008.

10. Pac 10 Coaching Staff All-Stars
Not 13 years ago, Jim Harbaugh was quarterbacking the Indianapolis Colts in the AFC Championship game, nearly pulling off the comeback victory over Pittsburgh despite having a dislocated shoulder on his throwing arm. Isn't Ken Norton a linebackers coach at USC? These guys have still got it! Actually, I'm not sure they shouldn't be higher... ASU doesn't have players like that.

11. Washington (0-7, 0-4)
Last win: Nov 17, 2007.
If you're wondering, they don't play Wazzou till Nov 22, so yes going a year between wins is possible.

12. Washington State (1-7, 0-5)
Okay, I ranked them below a team who might not win a single game over a 370 day span. That really should say enough. Also they set some kind of record for allowing 60+ points the most times during a season, and they still have five games to go! That's kinda like the opposite of Michael Crabtree setting the freshman WR TD record halfway through 2007!