Thursday, September 11

ACC Week 3 Games - We Only Wish They Had Talent

(Disclaimer: watching ACC football is hazardous to your mental health and eye safety. Left Field Bluffs recommends keeping at least three stations between you and any ACC game at any given time, as god-awful offensive football can strike anywhere, anytime – and if you hurt your eyes we don’t have a Braille version of this site. If you’re unfortunate enough to get the Raycom ACC Game of the Week, LFB suggests drinking so heavily that you go blind. It’s for the best.)

This is the week that the ACC really steps up the level of difficulty: that’s right, they only play one 1-AA team this week! Shockingly, most of the other games are pretty even matchups (NC State / Clemson notwithstanding), meaning that we might actually see some interesting games. Please note the absence of “quality”, “entertaining”, or “exciting” in the previous sentence. (Ed: I thought we removed that line, you dumbass. That’s an aside!)

Florida State v. Chattanooga
Seriously? I mean, I guess ol’ Bobby B’s got to get his wins somehow – and Drew Weatherford has to have a halfway decent completion percentage at some point – but two 1-AA teams in a row is just ridiculous. (Note: Drew likely won't be playing in this game, as he's lost his job to not one, but two, freshmen QBs. It's got to be pretty sad when you're not only bad enough to be replaced as the incumbent starter, but you're replaced by a QB rotation. With freshmen. All I'm saying is that if I was Drew, I'd be lit like a Christmas tree come kickoff.) FSU should take a cue from most other teams and schedule that second 1-AA game for homecoming. Come on, at least TRY and hide the fact you need to go 4-6 against teams with a pulse to become bowl-eligible.

Clemson v. NC State
If Clemson decides to let Jeffy Bowden OC this game, this could be way closer than it has any right to be. However, barring that Tom O’Brien’s Wolfpack squad basically will get to spend 60 minutes chasing the backs of Spiller and Davis and looking good for the Heisman highlight reels. Clemson would be wise to put this game out of reach early. That's code for "45 passes, 12 rushes."

Virginia @ Connecticut
Last year, this game would’ve resulted in literal horseshoes being crapped out at midfield; this season, hopefully both these teams don’t get so fucking lucky. That being said, the Huskies are the more talented team and they’re at home, so they should beat the likely lackluster Virginia squad. If the 4th place Big East team can’t beat a fucking ACC cellar dweller at home, LFB may have to revoke the Big East’s title of Most Loved Conference Everyone Else Shits On. In that case, here we come MAC!

Duke v. Navy
This is an interesting little trial-and-error scheduling game by Duke here; I can’t think Duke’s AD was prescient enough to realize that Georgia Tech and Navy would be running basically the same offense, but now that they are, it’s a nice opportunity to get some free scouting in. Of course, most of the scouting they’ll get in this game will be of the “holy crap, our defense wasn’t designed to stop the run for 35 minutes” variety, and any offensive gains will likely be nullified by the 450 yards Navy’s going to roll up on the ground. As much as I’d love Duke to open 2-1, it won’t happen. That being said, I still expect the articles coming out of Durham to read like poster copy from Little Giants, so we're okay there.

Maryland v. California
Way to go, Terps! Seriously, I’m glad the Terrapins scheduled a game against an actual genius QB coach in Jeff Tedford. Maybe the Fridge can take notes, as Jordan Steffy Chris Turner that dude in the 4th row of the student section leading foes into battle over, say, Nate Longridge is like taking a rusty butter knife into a gun battle. Oh, and Jahvid Best might be the fastest guy Maryland sees all season. Yikes.

North Carolina @ Rutgers
To all those who said North Carolina can challenge for the ACC title: put up or shut up time, motherfuckers. Show you can hang with one of the better Big East teams and we’ll start to think about what you can do in your own conference. Get blown out and we’ll pencil the Tar Heels in for 6-6. The choice – much like Choose Your Own Adventure – is your own, Chapel Hill. Choose wisely. If UNC is able to win this game outright, this might be the best ACC non-conference win of the season, which is pretty depressing if you think about it too hard.

Virginia Tech v. Georgia Tech
This game could be either the Stupidly Entertaining Game of the Week or 60 Minutes of Fan Hell; shit, it could be both. It all depends on how well the Yellow Jackets execute their offense and if Virginia Tech can figure out a way to stop it. Either way, Virginia Tech on offense = sleep.